It's dark inside
by RukiaGallega
Summary: Being unable to sleep, Shiro is forced to face his demons, and maybe admit he needs help. Rated T for PTSD.


**AN** : First Voltron fic! I'm sure there are a lot of fics with similar plot but I wanted to do something short and angsty while I work at more crackish stuff. Title from the song _Demons_ , by Imagine Dragons. There's just something about their songs that makes me think a lot about Shiro.

Btw, English isn't my first language, so if there are any mistakes, please tell me.

 **It's dark inside**

 _Don't get too close_

 _It's dark inside_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _It's where my demons hide._

And he can't see the light.

He tries to breathe; his chest feels tight. He tries to move; his bones feel as they were made of lead. He tries to run, to fight; his body doesn't respond.

Somewhere inside of him (so dark, so cold), demons lurk.

Shiro stays awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Every light in the room is turned on; the brightness hurts his tired eyes, and yet he still thinks it's not enough.

You're being irrational, he tells himself. You're safe here, no one's going to hurt you.

You must be alert, a voice in his head answers. What if Zarkon attacks? What if your teammates are in danger? Are you going to let them be captured _again_?

Shiro covers his face with his hands.

 _Get out of my head! Leave me alone!_

The metal of his right hand is so cold, he can feel it burn his skin. And it would be easy, so easy, to use it to rip open his own flesh, to tear apart the crumbling remains of his already broken soul. Maybe then he won't be scared anymore. Maybe then he'll be able to rest.

He needs to sleep. He had noticed the worried expressions, the careful looks his friends wear behind his back. They shouldn't have to worry about him, _he_ is the one who has to. He has to be strong, make sure he's fresh and alert and able to protect them.

Somewhere near his bedside, a clock strikes well past two in the morning.

And he can't take it any longer. Somehow, he manages to get up and stagger out of the room. The hallways are empty, ghost-like shadows creeping right out of the corner of the eye, silence so tight it threatens to pierce his eardrums.

He reaches the lounge room and collapses on the couch, panting, fists clenched, eyes closed. If he could just cease to exist, erase every proof of what he had done, what he had become…

…

"Shiro?"

…

First, he hears the voice.

There's something familiar about that voice, something bright and warm and _so pure_ … He wonders if it's an angel's voice, but that's impossible. Why would an angel get near someone as tainted as him?

Then, he recognises the name.

It's his name, he realizes. It reminds him that he's alive, that he _exists_. He draws the name, his name, in his mind. _Shiro_. He clutches that straw of sense in the middle of his inner turmoil and lets it bring him back to reality.

At last, he opens his eyes.

Someone is standing at the room's threshold. The dim light of the hallway shines on white hair, the soft silk of a nightgown whispers against the floor. Even on the verge of self oblivion, Shiro would never forget her.

"Princess?"

"Shiro, are you fine?" She gets close and bends slightly to take a proper look at his face. He straightens and averts his gaze.

"I'm fine, Princess. I just couldn't sleep. I'm sorry I disturbed you."

She presses her lips and frowns. She _knows_.

"Did you have a nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?"

Shiro shakes his head. He's not ready to say it out loud…

The repressed memories, the ones where he is still at the arena, where his muscles burn with exhaustion and his blood feels cold against his skin as it starts to coagulate… Those are only bad dreams.

The nightmares, the true nightmares that make him scream and thrash about and cry… Those are the ones where he's unharmed, but his friends lie at his feet (glazed eyes, broken bones, ripped skin) and his own hands are covered in blood.

He shudders.

Suddenly, Allura sits down next to him. She's so close, so warm. Shiro feels the urge to put some distance between then, because it's not proper, because she'll be angry at him, because…

Allura takes his hands and Shiro's mind goes blank.

"Shiro, you can always count on us. Whatever happens, we'll always support you. If there's anything I can do for you, please tell me."

He doesn't know what to answer. Her hands are soft and small in his, and Shiro can't look at her. Inside of him. something cracks.

"I… I'm not fine. And I'm scared I will never be."

She lets his hands go. For a tick, panic grips his heart. Of course she would step away, he's too damaged, too lost…

Then, Allura softly holds his face. She makes him look into her eyes, and he can't resist her. She's too bright, too strong. He feels her touch burn his skin, her eyes burn his soul.

And she's looking into his eyes now, and he can't hide himself anymore. Every single fear, every tear he hasn't allowed himself to shed, every demon buried deep inside are now exposed to the blinding light of her eyes.

And he can feel them burn away.

Lost in the constellations of her eyes, he finally breathes. As if he had been asleep in the void of space, and now he lies on the evergreen fields of a planet never touched by war, never tainted by violence.

"Allura…" He whispers, and he can feel her shiver. His own voice sounds foreign, full of wonder and desperation, of sadness and passion.

"Shiro…" She whispers, and he shivers. Her voice sounds so young, and he suddenly realizes she's as lost as he is.

Without a thought, all fear and regret forgotten, he closes the gap between them. She is so little in his arms, yet she hugs him tightly and Shiro can't remember the last time anything felt so real.

Someone sobs. Shiro isn't sure from who it came from. Maybe him, maybe her, maybe both. It doesn't matter anymore.

Somewhere inside of him (so bright, so warm) light shines.

 _Your eyes they shine so bright_

 _I wanna save that light_

 _I can't escape this now_

 _Unless you show me how._


End file.
